During the classes I would ask students to report back if they experience any reaction to mosaic products.  This way I can check on them and the products, for health and safety.   Over the years many students had reported an itch and we had researched everything and to no avail.   The itch only calmed down after a bout of intense mosaicking and reaching Zone 4, reaching their own mosaic U4EA (mosaic addicts know this is mosaic perfection, perfect bliss, making mosaics and forgetting everything else!).  My mother's itch was dreadful.….

When Dave joined the business with me full time he started to record the statistics.  It was incredible.  Partners of my students were complaining of these symptoms after their partners had done a mosaic course with me or met me at a rubbish dump: – no desire to cook or to clean…and an itch on the right arm.  Doctors were unable to sort it out; perhaps an allergy???
 

After trying everything, I called in the expert Tom, my Bug Man!   He checked the place out for dust mites and without asking he went in to my STASH ROOM!!!!!!! No-one ever goes in there but me , it was my mosaic mecca!

Tom came up to my office and said, "I think I might have found the source of your itching problems.  He had my piece of wine bottle from the island and there were little golden bugs crawling in it and living in the shells…some had moved into empty vegemite jars and had found bits of mesh to make a nest!      Golden grout dust bugs!.  I would not let Tom spray the stash room until I took the bugs to be tested.  He had never seen anything like these bugs.   We phoned the Unviversity.....

That night, Dave was sleeping soundly next to me in the in the diva suite bed,.  I was nipping away in a frenzy, using the mOzCutta.   I picked up the old wine bottle from the beach.  I had put it on my bed side table during the day.   I fondled the bottle and remembered the night long ago under the stars, on the island.    Suddenly, the room lit up PINK and whoosh!!!!!!!!!  Floating in the air above the bed was a huge thing….hovering, all green and spiky…..and suddenly it spoke!

“I am the mosaic bug.   You have been under the mosaic influence for 7 years…you were given the gift.  Your days in training wheels are over - you have done your apprentice-ship in mosaic madness……Read my lips…you have been chosen to spread the mosaic addiction throughout the land.   For a time mosaics had to go underground – strange forces were in action.  Mosaic artists were few -  but now it's time to rekindle the passion.    You have been chosen to bring many mosaic artists out of the china cupboards and unite.  You will form a mosaic group and spread mosaic madness....................I decree a change of ‘art….it’s time to recycle and combine all sorts of tesserae, from precious I talian smalti to beautiful glass mosaic tiles from China and an amazing array of recycled items.    Turn porcelain into art that can be useful.  Decorate the galleries and the homes.  Cover the concrete.     You will bring new methods and techniques to all who will listen.  You will have disciples known as mosaic addicts.  They will follow you to china shops and support you….They will cater to your whims of mosaic madness and be minions – you will reward them with your kindness and gold smalti.

You are the next mosaic messiah.  Some will throw stones at you, but you will collect these and use them and be excitied.    Some will try to send you to flat table hell….you will survive.  The last holder of the mosaic secret was a man called Gaudi and he watches over all mosaic addicts. 

Teach the children.  They will see what you see.  Go forth into the mosaic wilderness and take the Leps.  Be a leader amongst the mosaic mob – you will know adversity and you will be made stronger.     All will be good.  Don’t be scared to stand apart from the anti pique assiette slanderers and the rock movers.    Be true to yourself and you will be given the gift of inspiration and kindness. You will become a distributor of the Leps and all that is required, to break out.

You will work 24-7 but you will be strong.  You are being given the gift of the secret of happiness…spread the news, spread the thinset….spread yourself all over the land….”

Wow!!!!!   ….as the green thing hovered I felt calmness come down.   Was I dreaming?  Did that red tipple send me over the edge?   Suddenlty, the green bug with gigantic eyes, amazing eyelashes and the reddest mouth came down and sucked me in!   I felt pulled into the red lips and when I opened my eyes I was in a mosaic heaven…the streets were paved with blue willow china and I was given a choice ----stay and work on the pearly gates renoation or go back and work my butt off (that could be a good thing!)….I thought about staying on, the clouds looked soft and the mixed media on the pearly gates reno was tempting….but something was pulling be back out…Dave was yanking on my legs….my red lion pjynamas were flapping…Dave was not letting me go to mosaic nirvana yet!  He didn’t want to clean the studio!

Dave threw one of my pink stilettos at the bug and the bug laughed and sucked it in.  The mosaic bug said   “ Sandy make your choice….you have been chosen but must be determined to succeed, where others have failed…”        Ok I said, (I really wanted to finish my latest mosaic). 

Dave gave another yank and I was back on the diva couch.  The huge bug took off into the house and disappeared.  I felt amazing.  I looked at Dave and he was asleep a gain.  I shook him.  Honey, what did you think of that?   Stop waking me up -  he said.  ????????  Was it all a dream, perhaps too much tipple?

I lay on the pink satin sheets and wondered at the dream.  As I stretched out, my hands touched something….I picked up some pieces of green shell in the bed…long pieces that looked like the bugs eyelashes.  I could not stop myself....I ran down to the studio and started to mosaic – my hands flew – I made green thinset!   Polly turned up in her pl's and helped...She walked her in her sleep!!!!!!  As the mosaic emerged there was the face of the mosaic bug!  It had been there!

I ran into the stash room and looked for it.  I found some of the little golden bugs had crawled back in the vegemite jars.   Suddenly, the stash room door  slammed behind me.

I heard the voice of the bug! 

“This room is sacred.  No-one will enter but you.  The golden bugs are my babies…they will continue to spread the contagious mosaic madness”.

This explained the itch!  The Bug said    “it is out of your control”   ….go forth and create mosaic magic -  create happiness and energise the nation, from babies to grey nomads…right up to the heads of State.   Iced Vo Vo's will be sign....…great things will happen when you least expect it and some times things will be difficult, but you will be supported by those who care.  Make your mosaic life full and overflowing to others.  Eat Tim Tams and vegemite, Iced Vo Vos and Turkish Delight…these delicacies will sustain you in the wee hours of the morning.

This is the word of the mosaic bug”

Suddnenly on the cement floor of the stash room there appeared a scoll at my feet! - it was wrapped in a black bin bag!    I took off my red pj’s and put on the huge black bin bag…it was the new grouting garb and my mosaic uniform!   Written in black goo{mospagbreak}on a piece of mozBoard, were the following mosaic commandments!

Sandra Robertson, the holder of the mosaic secret,
thou shalt:

write the new mosaic testament

inspire the masses

work 24-7

not tolerate GEMS

build an emporium with fundraising dunnies

take it to the streets

become a mosaic Addict Diva
not covert stash rooms

not steal other’s china

abolish housework and ignore bulldust

I picked up the mosaic scroll.   I would live by these commandments.  I immediately mosaicked the iron.  Wow!    Polly agreed to take on the role of Polly from the Trolley.  I rang  Popette and mosaicking Mum and the BFB.  All our arms were itching….It was a sign.  We have never looked back.  As long as we shall live we shall mosaic and provide mosaic joy to the nation.   In the face of adversity we will be united and form a thinset wall of protection.    We will seal all with black goo.  Black grouty fingernails would be a sign of mosaic addiction DownUnder!

My mosaic mates are true blu!   

We know we have the mosaic power to summon the mosaic bug  at any time.   Last time we fondled the bottle fragment and chatted to  Buggie, he was doing a stint as artist in residence in mosaic heaven and he put Gaudi on the line for advice……hence our current project of a 50 square metre chair, inspired by Gaudi.  Wow…It’s great have a direct line to mosaic nirvana..

So if you happen to get an itch on your right arm and feel a little strange, it’s ok.  Ring Sandy for support and build a Titan Shed – you will need it.  There is no escape -  one bitten, it’s for life…and it’s wonderful.  Be true to yourself –  live your life to the mosaic max!

So if you think the mosaic world is flat with perfect grout spacing you have been led down the wrong yellow brick road.  Reach out before it’s too late and don’t be scared to separate from the comfort zone.   Release yourself from peer pressure and let your ‘art flow.   Come and join us in our mosaic adventures and take time out to laugh and be free. 

Life is not all about glues and pre-sealers and glass.  Be prepared to do the mosaic combo!  You will then be touched by the true mosaic bug.   The Mosaic Bug, may not turn up a gain in Coorparoo for another 100 years but this is our time so make the most of it.    He emerged in Pompeii, he emerged in Barcelona, he emerged in Italy…but he chose Oz for the next revival of mosaicking “outside the square”……the modern mosaics. 

When we meet in stash rooms, and whisper his name, we know Buggy was heaven sent and the little golden grout buggas running around in the stash room are to be cared for.   Inspiration flows 24-7 and wonders will never cease.  It’s not about the biggest, it’s not about the best, it’s about being part of the bigger picture – being free to follow your ‘art. 

So my band of mosaic addicts and I will tour the land, spreading the mosai
c message and covering every surface we can.  Come out and join us and beware of nesting turtles and flying wine bottles.  Is your arm itching?

…and I hope this true story sucked you in as well…..mosaic art can be tongue in cheek and many forms of mosaic art hold their own in the fine art world - we will continue to break down the barriers of narrow  mindedness and by educating the children mosaic art will eventually know no bounds.
...join my mosaic Quest...these are the words of the mosaic DIVA!

Pictures below are from Fallen Angel.....from the Nunnery...(c) Diva!